I’ve had a few million-dollar ideas in my life. None of them have earned me a million dollars. They haven’t earned me a single dollar.
Who knows why? It’s not because they’re bad ideas. That’s impossible. Most likely they are just ideas that were ahead of their time. The world was never ready for my genius.
One of my million-dollar ideas became a real thing. I got no credit for it.
When I was young and had a bad cold, the constant blowing and wiping had rubbed my nose raw. I tried to help myself by smearing moisturizing lotion on my shnozz.
I said out loud, “Hey! What if the tissues just came with lotion infused in them to protect our noses?”
No one listened at the time but then tissues with lotion became a thing.
My next million-dollar idea is so obvious I am stunned I have not seen it in the real world.
Fish ’n Chips chips.
That’s it.
I think there should be a potato chip flavour called Fish ‘n Chips.
Whenever I mention this (and I only ever think of it when I’m eating chips) the first reaction is, “EW.”
Again, the world doesn’t understand.
Fish ‘n Chips chips don’t exactly taste like fish. They capture the essence of fish ‘n chips which is a delicious blend of crispy batter and fries, salt, ketchup and malt vinegar. And maybe just the subtlest notes of haddock and tartar.
Say “EW” all you want. Someone is going to develop these things, and I’ll say, “I told you so” and also, “Aww. Why didn’t I patent Fish ‘n Chips chips?”
Here’s my next money-maker.
Thanksgiving weekend has passed and if you’re like me you managed to live for almost an entire week on turkey dinner leftovers.
We started with full meals of leftovers — turkey, potatoes, vegetables, stuffing, cranberries and gravy.
As the supplies dwindled, we were eating turkey with a little squash. Then it was turkey sandwiches. Then turkey salad sandwiches.
My point is, if you do it right, Thanksgiving dinner is actually dinner and lunch for days.
The problem is, when we eat leftovers for every meal, we have to haul a jumble of plastic containers out of the fridge, open them all up, get our food out, put the lids back on and then figure out how to fit them back in the fridge.
This is a hardship we don’t need to live with in 2024 and if I worked for a company that develops and sells plastic containers, I would engineer The Turkey Dinner Keeper.
Instead of six different sizes and shapes of plastic containers, including recycled margarine and yogurt containers that get filled with things like turnip and cabbage and then get forgotten — The Turkey Keeper is one single container for all your leftovers.
The Turkey Keeper is like a little suitcase or tackle box. It would be engineered to fit most fridge shelves.
It would be one container with one lid but inside there would be compartments to keep your leftovers from touching each other.
It would have compartments of different sizes, and you could use them for your turkey, potatoes, vegetables, gravy, cranberries, stuffing — all of it.
Cleanup would be a bree … uh … never mind the cleanup. We’ll sort that out later.
Don’t be surprised to see The Turkey Keeper in time for the holiday season and don’t be surprised when I don’t make a dime off my brilliant idea.
Worst Word of the Week: “Lean into” — suggested by Paul. Lean into or lean in may have started as a book about gender inequality but it has become an overused expression basically meaning work harder, which we’re not that into.
Do you have a word you detest? Let Chuck know at brown.chuck@gmail.com
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